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Razorblade Kissed All Over [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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(no subject) [May. 21st, 2005|06:37 pm]
[mood |cheerfulcheerful]
[music |"Goin' Crazy"-Natalie]

I know that I have not been updating for like TWO weeks, I think or maybe just this week, I dont know lol. But me and my boyfriend basically broke up after nine months so I have been really really down. And I have been keeping myself so busy to keep him off of my mind. But now I have accepted that we are not together. I was puking on and off all this week because it really got to me. But I do not know, I really dont want to type about it or type it all out. It is too long lol. But anyways, I went to PA and hung out there all day by myself basically with my little brother, hoping that I would come across someone I knew and am friends with, but that didnt happen. I came across two people that I know, but I am not really friends with them. So yeah. It was a pretty good day, and I got my hair cut, OH BOY! It's so cute lol! Well I am out. Love yall!
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(no subject) [May. 5th, 2005|11:23 am]
[mood |sickGAH!]
[music |"Case Of The Ex"-Mya]

Hey yall, I am stuck at home AGAIN. My mom didnt want me going to school today because I sitll have a fever, GAH! This really sucks! Seriously I am going to have a shit load of homework lol. I don't even know if I need to make up a test in my history class. I am not sure if it was this week or next, but I think its this week. GOSH! lol. I hate having to make up tests, But yeah I think that I will just have to call my friend when she gets home and see if I had any tests because she has a lot of the same classes as I do.

But anyways, I am so bored, since being that I am stuck at home, I really dont have anything much to say. But yeah. Leave me feed back! Lata!
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(no subject) [Apr. 26th, 2005|09:31 pm]
Today at my Youth Group we had a WOW Tuesday thing going on. Well what it is instead of playing games like we usually do, we take that time and we worship Jesus. Well Larry(the Youth Pastor) gave his lesson to us. Then we had a testimonie with a friend of mine, his name is Mitchell. Well his testimonie was about the time when he did weed. He was about 12 or 13 when he first did it. His buddies where a little older than he was and he really looked up to them. Well they did not pressure him or anything into doing weed or anything, it was something that he chose to do. Well when he did it he said to himself "That is the last time that I will do it."Well that is what he said, but he liked the feeling and he did it again and again and again (repeatingly) So one day him and his friends where driving around town and they were all stoned, there was a cop behind them but they were not sure if the cop was following them or not, so to see if the cop was, his buddy turned the corner and after they turned the corner the cop did also. They got a little antsy about it, so his buddy drove into a gas station acting like he was getting gas. The cop pulls in to, now Mitchell is freaking out, this cop has another cop come over to the gas station to. The cops do not get out or anything, they just sit ther watching them. So while the cops where sitting there watching them, Mitchell is in the backseat telling Jesus that he is sorry and that he wont do it again. So after a few moments went by, the cops left and Mitchell was reliefed. But since being that he did say sorry to Jesus, he didnt mean it because he went and did it again and again, until it became a weekend basis, he would doit every weekend and he spent tons of money on weed. Well he had stopped hanging out with his friends and made a new friend, now this new friend of his took him to the Youth Group that his is now currently at, and when Mitchell went, the music the lessons Larry gave touched and inspired Mitchell to stop doing weed and to really ask for Jesus's forgiveness and really mean it. When Mitchell was telling everyone in my Youth Group that story, I was so touched, I almost cried. He said that we do sin and we just don't realize it, so at the end of the day, pray and tell Jesus's that are you are sorry. And when you are having a bad day, turn on Christian or worship music on and just lay down relax and close your eyes and just listen. Even talking to Jesus can help you, you know he is listening when you get the feelings of love. Now kids, Jesus loves us no matter what our color, shape, or size is, no matter how much we sin, he will still love us. But the more that each and everyone us sin, we are causing him more pain and that is why we need to tell him sorry. I hope you guys enjoyed my long but great entry, leave feedback please.
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(no subject) [Apr. 22nd, 2005|10:37 pm]
[mood |crappyallergies!]
[music |"Sharad"-Sky Sweetnam]

So let me recap on what has been going on for the past week. MONDAY: I went to school, nothing really interesting happened other that my friend Ayla didnt come to school. There was a rumor that was going on and people made it bigger than it should have been. TUESDAY: I went to school, my step dad picked me up on the second street from my house. Well, right when I got into the car I ask him if he could possibly take me to Youth Group and he said that he couldnt because he was taking my mom to the hospital. Jeez did I feel dumb. WEDNESDAY: I went to school as usual. Ayla came to school, I know it was the worst day of her fucking life. I feel so bad for her. People are such hipocrates these days. THURSDAY: I went to school, nothing happened. TODAY: I went to school, the doctor, the store, came home, went around looking for my brother around town. Boy was he busted when he got home HAHA! And right now I am talking to my Boo, Jre, I love you sooo much Jre, MWWWAH!!!. Well I am out, I hope you guys enjoyed the recap on my week lol. KeEp It ReAl ~1~
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Life tends to take drastic measures [Jan. 6th, 2005|04:57 pm]
[mood |crappycrappy]
[music |nothing...]

Well right now I am playing pool agaisnt Jre...And right now it is fine...But we have been fighting for a long time now...And I know he hates it just as much as I do...And I feel like we are slipping...And i dont want the...i love him with all my heart and without him i dont know what i would do...im afraid i would kill myself...and when i get into the stage of depression and i want to kill myself...its like im not me...its someone else taking over my body and i cant stop it...even if i wanted to...its weird...and its hard too....and i know i need help...but i dont know how to tell my mom...im afraid she wont do it...she has been really mean to me lately...and im afraid to even talk to her sometimes...i wont be open with her anymore either...but i dont know i give up....like always...well i dont know what esle to say..because i dont want to get futher more into whats going with me and Jre right now becasue my emotions are still tender and i dont want to cry...
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Only One... [Dec. 30th, 2004|06:33 pm]
[mood |calmcalm]
[music |Yellowcard CD]

hey you guys...i am not going to say i have had a lot going on because in reality i havent...heh...i have been L-A-Z-Y...heh heh...and i am changing my ways from here on out...there will be no more updating and saying i should be dead because it would make people happy...because i know it wont...i am a good person and i shouldnt think the way i did...oh and cutting?...that shits done...i am going to go get help for it...its too stronge for me to quite by myself...so im going to go get help for that...and my anti-depressents..well i need to either stop taking Zoloft because it is not working worth shit for me...so i am going to talk to my mum about it...and i am going to have her take to the doctor in order for me to get on different anti-depressents...because i know i need it...and tomorrow is the last day of sweet ol' 2004 =(...i am going to really really miss 2004...and atleast i know i made a lot of 2004 the best i could...besides being depressed...but thats all in the past...and i am going to lock the door and stop thinking about my past and start thinking about my future...i know i have a future...with the man i love Jre...i love him soo much...he is a great person...okay...well this is the last time i will type about my fuck up...okay well i cut like two weeks ago and i lied to Jre and said i didnt do it...and i promised him that i would not do it..and broke that promise...well he over reacted and took away ALL of his trust in me...he would not believe that i love him and care about him and would not believe that i want to spend the rest of my life with him and that i will never ever leave him...so now i have to gain his trust back and he said he is going to work on giving me his trust back into me...so i cried an awful lot...but thats okay...thats what i get...but today he did apologize for over reacting and he says that he does believe that i love him without a doubt...and im glad he does...and i know that i dont have all his trust back...but that is where we both work on it...and yeah...i fucked up there by lying to him ya know...because thats where he does have problems with people...he has problems with believing peoeple because they all lie to him...and i dont want to be like all those other people..so i am going to be real with him...well i am out...PEACE AND LOVE ALL...feed back if you want...HAVE A GREAT NEW YEARS...
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hate to me... [Dec. 26th, 2004|11:17 pm]
[mood |depressedfuck life]
[music |Senses Fail cd]

im in need of help...i dont know who i am...i dont know what to do anymore...im soo lost i dont know what to do...i dont know what i want inlife...its like i wanna give up on life because i cant bear this pain any longer...
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PROMO [Dec. 26th, 2004|09:21 pm]
[mood |sicksick]
[music |Mix my boyfriend made for me...]

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APP [Dec. 25th, 2004|09:47 am]
[mood |bored*sigh*]
[music |Mix my boyfriend made for me...]

AppCollapse )
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Lack of sex... [Dec. 24th, 2004|02:16 pm]
[mood |borednothing to do]
[music |my bother nagging]

tell me what you guys think...my second pic is well..kinda bad but oh well...
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